The feeling of what community means to me began at a very young age while growing up in Mexico, and the experiences I had with my family and neighbors helped me significantly to become the person I am today and appreciate Restorative Justice even more now being an older adult. Community to me means more than simply being surrounded by people. For me, community means belonging, accountability, support, and knowing that you do not have to face difficult moments alone.

Growing up in Mixquiahuala, Mexico, I witnessed the way my family interacted with and cared for our neighbors. Our community looked out for one another, especially during difficult times. Through these experiences, I felt a sense of belonging and gratitude that changed the way I viewed the world. I learned that community could be a place where people came together, supported one another, and created opportunities to help others feel seen and valued. I remember how meaningful it felt to be able to contribute in such a simple way. These experiences allowed me to build strong relationships with my neighbors and taught me that community care can create lifelong connections.

As I grew older, however, I also began to see the ways harm can exist within families and communities. While visiting Brazil, I witnessed domestic violence and intimate partner violence within my family. I was told that it was none of my business, while at the same time being expected to speak to my uncles and cousins about their drinking, driving, and harmful behavior at a young age. I remember feeling powerless and confused. I wanted to help, but I did not know what to do in situations where people I loved were hurting one another. What affected me most was watching my family experience harm while everyone avoided talking about it.

Later in my life, I entered a relationship in which I experienced physical, psychological, and sexual abuse. The experience caused me to isolate myself, and over time, I began to recognize how the harm I was experiencing was affecting not only my own well-being but also the way I treated myself and the people around me. Many people in my life could see that something was wrong, but they did not understand how I could be experiencing abuse as a man or why I remained in the relationship despite the harm I was experiencing. This deepened my understanding of how complex and difficult experiences of harm can be and how challenging it can be for someone to ask for help, especially when they are struggling with shame, isolation, and loss of trust.

Through all of these experiences, I have come to understand that harm affects individuals, families, relationships, and entire communities. I have also learned that silence does not make harm disappear. When I was unable to talk about what happened, afraid to ask for help, or when I felt that no one would believe or support me. It was only when I was given a safe space to share what happened by teachers and adults that I began to heal and find a way forward for myself. This is why community means so much to me and why I admire Restorative Justice work.

My experiences have taught me the importance of creating spaces where people can be heard without judgment, where harm can be acknowledged, and where accountability, healing, and connectionare possible. Because of the stigma I have experienced as a man, I feel motivated to speak openly about my experiences and create space for individuals who have faced similar challenges. I want to help build communities where people feel they belong and can move toward healing and restoration.

Hector Hoyos Correa, MSW (he/him/el), is a Trilingual Mexican Brazilian social worker based in NYC with 5 years of experience leading workshops and cultivating safety and equality for immigrants and BIPOC communities. He is the Co-Facilitator for the Restorative Justice Program specializing in creating spaces that promote accountability, healing, and open dialogue for individuals and families impacted by DV/IPV.

Image Credit: Gléo (Colombia, 1992). Metamorphosis, mural in Montreal, Canada, 2019.